In this paper we discuss a pair of polynomial knot invariants
$\Theta=(\Delta,\theta)$ which is:
\begin{itemize}
\item Theoretically and practically fast: $\Theta$ can be computed in polynomial time.
  We can compute it in full on random knots with over 300 crossings,
  and its evaluation at simple rational numbers on random knots with over
  600 crossings.
\item Strong: Its separation power is much greater than the hyperbolic volume, the
  HOMFLY-PT polynomial and Khovanov homology (taken together) on knots
  with up to 15 crossings (while being computable on much larger knots).
\item Topologically meaningful: It gives a genus bound, and there are
  reasons to hope that it would do more.
\item Fun: Scroll to Figures 1.1--1.4, 3.1, and 6.2.
\end{itemize}
$\Delta$ is merely the Alexander polynomial. $\theta$ is almost
certainly equal to an invariant that was studied extensively by
Ohtsuki \cite{Ohtsuki:TwoLoop}, continuing Rozansky, Kricker, and
Garoufalidis \cite{Rozansky:Contribution, Rozansky:Burau, Rozansky:U1RCC,
Kricker:Lines, GaroufalidisRozansky:LoopExpansion}.  Yet our formulas,
proofs, and programs are much simpler and enable its computation even
on very large knots.